The state of falling in love gives a lot of strong emotions, but everyone experiences falling in love differently. It often happens that when a partner appears, a person stops contacting friends, devotes time to a hobby, breaks with life, dissolves in the subject of tender feelings. Women are more prone to this behavior as they are more emotional and focused on caring for others, but men can also fall in love in a similar state.Gestalt therapist Dinara Aribzhanova spoke about the reasons for this condition and ways to save yourself by building close relationships.”Getting lost” is due to two factors – special chemical reactions that occur in the body during the period of falling in love (a person experiences strong positive emotions and is “attached” not so much to a partner as to his fantasies about him) and/or a person’s inner belief that he is not worth enough without a “second half”. Such an attitude to oneself is imposed on a person in childhood if he does not receive proper support from his parents (mainly from his mother).
different scenarios
mom and childimage source: @Alexas_Fotos/pixabay”If childhood has rather unfolded according to a negative scenario, then in the future the individual does not have the feeling that- I am important;- my life is important;- the world is good and interesting;”I want to get to know this world and try something new,” says the expert. In this case, the desire for a “good” adult begins, capable of sometimes giving a sense of importance to himself (and that is why, having fallen in love, some people “disappear from the radar”, wanting to spend the most possible time with someone who compensates for the lack of love and acceptance.But the relationship of two mature personalities cannot and should not be similar to the relationship of an adult and a child.”No adult can respond to another adult, like a mother can to her baby,” says Dinara Aribzhanova about the mechanism of addiction.
What to do?
heart in the palmsImage source: @jcomp/freepik.comIn order for an adult to get rid of a pronounced inner need for a loving and accepting “parent” and stop looking for it in the men / women he meets, long-term therapy, work with a psychologist is necessary . In parallel (to consolidate the result), you can go through a special 12-step program for people with certain addictions online or in person.It is equally important in the process of entering into a relationship to put yourself first, and the partner second. In a healthy relationship, first in a person, himself, and only then the beloved (th). This allows each to form a personal space, while staying together, enjoying each other’s company, and together creating a space in which both are comfortable and enjoyable.
too much care
The guy kisses the girlPhoto source: fr.freepikMaintaining a balance between giving and receiving is also key to a healthy relationship. “In any relationship, it is important to periodically reduce the debit with the credit: how much I owe in a relationship, and how much I want and allow myself to do something for me personally. If a woman has an imbalance towards “I should” , then over time she begins to lose herself, take less care of herself, dissolves into a man, children,” says the expert.Life without the feeling of falling in love can feel a little “fresh”, but it’s important to understand that this doesn’t make it empty or meaningless.
