The next time we want to cheer someone up or clear up misunderstandings with our partner, we might do well to bring them a gift rather than make time to talk.
There is already little time for clarifications, not everyone is ready to discuss again to find solutions (or perhaps continue with the discussions) and so, from the cake to the flowers to the box of sweets to more expensive gifts, the ‘wrapped’ thought works better than the supportive speech.
In the era of WhatsApp, reels, text messages, and posts that accustom us to concise messages, to the time needed to have a ‘repairing’ conversation, is it better to arm ourselves with wrapping paper, bows, and make packages? We spend more time chatting than communicating with a real person, attesting to several global studies that bounce around the media and now, the same researchers, have discovered that gifts work as a shortcut to avoid too many words.
“A gift that’s given—outside of a birthday or holiday—feels more like they were really thinking about you. They went out of their way to do something special for you”, explains Hillary Wiener, according to a researcher at the Massry School of Business at Albany University in New York who directed a study on the subject, entitled ‘Money can buy me love: Gifts are a more effective form of acute social support than conversations‘ and recently published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology.
Excluding gifts made for special holidays, receiving ‘a thought’ in unexpected moments and personal or couple crises makes the recipient feel better and gives more credit to the sender of the gift. The conclusion is the consequence of several experiments conducted by researchers on 81 couples of real friends and partners.
One part of the group attempted to mend fences by dedicating time and words to the other person, while the other group presented themselves with a small gift. “Those who received the gift felt better than those who started a dialogue. Gifts are perceived as a greater effort than words and provide immediate pleasure,†the authors explain.
Is talking, clarifying and even chatting to distract yourself no longer enough? Presenting yourself with a gift gives a sort of advantage but Wiener and his colleagues warn those who aim to wrap up small gifts more and more often to overcome the impasse because “constant gifts lose power and could even cause feelings of debt or guilt in the recipient,†the experts reply.
Finally, there is no need to overdo the type of gift: Launch into more expensive gestures, such as a shared gift experience. They can be interpreted as partially self-motivated gestures and with another purpose.
What can we say? The ‘shortcut’ of the gift should be reserved for the acute phase of the crisis and small classic gifts that convey affection and closeness are enough. Flowers, boxes of sweets and everything will pass quickly, say scientists.
